Holy shit, my kids are starting kindergarten. I knew it would come, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. How did this happen? They were just babies last week. And now it’s less than 2 weeks away.
I know I’m not the first parent whose kids have started school, and I won’t be the last. I’ve already taken the day off. We’ll have a special first day of kindergarten breakfast, and I’ll take 100 pictures. I’ll probably cry, even though I’ve told everyone that I won’t. They’re my babies and they’re growing up. I’m just not ready for it yet.
They were just babies last week.
My brain won’t stop with the thoughts and the questions. The endless questions… This thing in my head right now? Well, it’s worse than ages 2 and 3 combined. And those years were absolutely full of questions. Namely “Why?,” but I digress.
My first thought is… kids are mean. Sure, kids have always been mean, but they seem much worse now. Did I give my girls enough confidence and encouragement for them to not be affected? L is so sweet and tenderhearted that her feelings get hurt easily. Will they pick on her because of her hearing aid? Will they think she’s interesting because of it? She loves her hearing aid. She’s proud of it even. I’m so proud of her for that.
How are they going to do, totally without each other? In preschool, even once we separated them, they were still together in the afternoons. Now they won’t have any interaction with each other except maybe at lunch or at recess. How is that going to affect their relationship? They’re best friends. They look for each other across the room, checking in that the other is still there and is okay. How will this affect their relationship at home? Will it become stronger? Weaker? I hadn’t even thought about the twin bond. Will that trump this separation?
AB is kind of a loner. When I’d drop her off at preschool, she’d go straight to a table off by herself. She had friends there, but I worried. And I worry, is she going to make friends now? Will she be labeled the weird kid? At her age, I was the same way, but I grew out of it. I suppose she will, too. And her slight speech impediment… I know what she’s saying. Will her classmates and teachers be able to understand her? If she’s sent to a speech class, will that affect her confidence?
And that’s what this boils down to… I have so many feelings.
The worries that I have are normal, I suppose. Everyone thinks about what life is like for their kids when they aren’t with them. Everyone gets anxious around milestones. And school is such a big milestone! I’m glad they had preschool to warm them up for this step, but it just doesn’t feel the same.
And that’s what this boils down to… I have so many feelings.
I made a mistake today by looking at a list on their school’s website; I ended up on a page about “fry words.” Fry words.
FRY WORDS! What the hell are those? How did I not know about them already? Are they behind now? Have I already set them up for failure before they’ve even had their first day?
I think that my kids are smart. Every parent thinks that, I know. Mine really are smart, though. But… what if they get to kindergarten and they’re not as smart as I think they are? On the other hand, what if they get bored too easily and the work isn’t challenging enough for them? I don’t even want to think about homework. The time they spent on ABC Mouse better have taught them something besides how to clean a digital fish tank.
Panic. Panic. Panic.
My husband is thinking about it too; I know he is. How could he not be with the constant barrage of excitement and trepidation, the talk of school supplies and clothes. But he doesn’t seem to worry like I do.
When we first talked about having kids, we always talked in 3s. Then we had twins. Our family feels complete with 2. So now, with my double whammy set of girls, this is the first and last time that I’ll have kids starting kindergarten. I want to remember everything.
I know that I’m not the first parent to have their kids start school, and I won’t be the last. I’ve already taken the day off. We’ll have a special first day of kindergarten breakfast and I’ll take 100 pictures. I’ll probably cry, even though I’ve told everyone that I won’t. They’re my babies and they’re growing up. I’m just not ready for it yet. But I’ll get there.
Maybe by the time they go into 3rd grade…
Leave a Reply