21 Ways to Make Your Marriage Last 21 Years (or More!)

When my marriage hit the 21 year mark, I was so happy. Here I was, with the man of my dreams, which was something I never thought would happen.

My marriage isn’t perfect, but we have been hanging in there for a pretty long time (and we have six kids), so we must be doing something right!

I realize everyone has their own “methods” to their “madness,” but I wanted to share my 21 do’s and don’ts for how we keep our marriage alive and kicking.

*Disclaimer*

I know these aren’t perfect guidlines for everyone or every marriage. These are purely what has worked for us, and I would tell anyone who asked.

Do make one another a priority.
Don’t ignore each other’s feelings. Talk, communicate, be transparent.
Do ask how each other’s day was. (Such a simple thing that has a huge impact.)
Do show affection, especially around your kids. They need to see the closeness that you have together.
Do show a united front when issues arise.
Don’t put yourself in compromising positions. Protect yourself and your marriage. I have been there. It isn’t worth it.
Don’t keep secrets (surprise parties are an exception.) If you find yourself having to cover up or hide things, stop. Full stop.
Do show each other acts of kindness, whether it be taking out the trash, or washing the car. Like I said, it’s the little things.
Do let the kids see you spending time together. It’s important they see that their parents interact. Which leads me to the next one…
Do express your feelings for one another in front of your kids. I truly believe hearing this gives kids a sense of security in their home life.
Do turn off the electronics when you go to bed. Read a book, interact, snuggle, cuddle, whatever.
Do have sex, lots of it. Trust me on this one.
Do be willing to meet in the middle. Compromise. Bend.
Do have date nights. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Go get an ice cream, rent a movie and sit on the couch with Chinese food.
Don’t forget birthdays or other special occasions. I can speak from experience, it doesn’t bode well for the person who forgot! (my husband! LOL)
Don’t talk negatively about your spouse’s family. It can cause resentment.
Do be supportive of your spouse’s occupation. This one can be hard! My husband works a lot of hours, and it isn’t always easy for our large family. I just have to remember he is working this hard FOR us.
Don’t forget yourself. Self care is so important for not only you, but your spouse and your entire family. Get your nails done, get a coffee with a friend. When Mama is happy, everyone is happy!
Do give your spouse freedom. Let him hang with the guys, go get a beer, watch sports at a bar. They’ll thank you for it later!
Do pick your battles. Toilet seat up? Put it down. Cabinet door open? Close it.
Don’t give up! Marriage is HARD work, but in the end, when the kids are gone, and the house is quiet… you will still have each other’s hands to hold.

Stephanie Soper

Stephanie, mother of six kids, wife to an engineer who looks like Jeremy Renner, and friend to many. Lover of all things sparkly. Taking life by the day, and slowly regaining my inner peace.